Real Kato Blog: Back in the Saddle

This is a really hard article for me to write.

I haven't dated in a while. I wrote a little about this back on Valentine's Day.

But I'm starting again. As of now, I'm on the market. And I'm going to write about it, because I made a promise to myself to fear no embarrassment when it comes to writing this blog. You'll get all the wet and dirty details, and sometimes you'll laugh at how pathetic my feeble attempts at dating are. I'm just going to have to deal with it.

It really is embarrassing to be dating, especially when you get to be an old fart like me. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. If I go to a bar where all the women are ten years younger than I am, I feel SPECTACULARLY uncool, even if I know in my head that I'm way more "hip" than everyone else there. (But of course, kids today don't even use the word "hip" any more. That brand of retro-geekiness is SOOOO last year.) And if I'm somewhere with older single people, like at a blues concert or a swing dance or something, I feel like I couldn't possibly be in the same category as these GEEZERS. Um, no offense to those of you who frequent blues concerts or swing dances.

Remember all the humiliation of being turned down? Well, that just gets more intense when you can see through all the white lies people say just to be kind. Ladies, I can TELL when you're not interested. I appreciate it when you try to soften the blow, but frankly, I don't believe it when you say you've suddenly been offered a job in Royal Oak, Michigan, and you have to move away. (As we all know, there are NO jobs to be had in Royal Oak, Michigan.)

What's also embarrassing is all the pity you get from your married friends. At first they'll tell you that they're envious of your carefree lifestyle, but really everyone is thinking, "I'm so glad I don't have to go through all THAT again." And then everyone has their theories on why you're still single... most of which they can't tell you to your face. And I won't even begin to talk about all the grief I get from dear old Mom.

It gets worse.

I'm putting myself on-line. I don't want to mention where directly, but it's the popular dating web site that rhymes with "snatch hot mom". (Hmm.) You know, on-line dating doesn't quite have the sweaty stink of desperation that it once did, but it's still, um, moderately malodorous. It's not the sort of thing that I would normally tell people about. But again: WET AND DIRTY. That's the goal.

It's so weird to have my little advertisement sitting out there, pleading for attention amongst the profiles from all the other sad single dudes. It's a little bit like putting yourself on the circuit in "Logan's Run". Except that in "Logan's Run", I would have already gone through Carousel and I'd be gone... and all that would be left would be fish, plankton, sea greens, and proteins from the sea.

I'll admit that I've done this on-line thing before. And frankly, I was pretty successful at it. I met a lot of really fantastic people, and sometimes there was even some mind-blowing, out-of-this-world, can't-believe-how-great-this-is, sex. (You know who you are out there.) But I was always terribly ashamed of the geeky sequence of events that led to all those twisty positions. I always lied to my co-workers and friends about where I met people. "In a bookstore." "At a bar." "At a party." "In jail." Anything but the freakin' Internet, because MY GOD THAT'S SO PATHETIC.

So there you have it. That's the sad world that I am preparing to inhabit for the next few weeks or months. Wish me luck, and try not to laugh too hard.

Permalink 10 Comment

Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from Lisa (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 12:13 am : #

Great post. Even if you don't get a chick.
We used to have a friend that took a long time to find someone. He used to cruise for the "chicks." He finally started dating his massage therapist. There it is Ken, get naked, find a woman.

Bert was 35 when we got married, he got lots of grief for being single for so long. Just tell people quality relationships take time.

Comment #2 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 1:28 am : #

Let the games begin!

(Hamster's 40!)

Bert?

Comment #3 from Julie (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 8:04 am : #

hey, i met my husband online (for the record, i preferred the salon.com (mindspring? springstreet? whatever ... ) personals to your provider of choice - by & large, the people seemed quirkier & more interesting). online dating gets more & more acceptable every year ... so, no fear! and i hope it works out as well for you as it did for us!

btw, hi, i'm julie, a friend of jen's (cyberdryad)!

Comment #4 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Feb 24 - 10:29 am : #

For the record, Julie, I almost wrote to you on Friendster long time ago. :)

Comment #5 from 21stCenturyMom (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 7:27 pm : #

I cannot believe you are referring to yourself as old. For the love of God you are in your prime, dude! You are the perfect age to be dating. I am more in the geezer cateogory (but not a geezer - oh no!).

I've done a lot of on-line dating myself and I have a few things to say:
1). There is no shame in using the internet to find love. It is common as dishwater. These sites advertise in the popular media. Get over it.
2). Matchmaker.com is better than match.com. eHarmony may be worth the money for you. It is really different and favors people who are serious about finding a mate over these other 'drive by' sites that encourage a lot of crazy antics and lying about who you are (you know what I mean, I know you do).

Hold your head high and three cheers for mind blowing sex no matter how you find it.

Comment #6 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 8:56 pm : #

"Aww." This is comment from my twenty-six year-old classmate who refuses to really comment. Now she says she doesn't refuse. "Stop. Shut up," she says.

This is MY comment. "Old fart?" Excuse me? If you're an old fart, what is someone who is 57? 77? Dead?

Am I an old fart too? An older fart? A smellier fart?

What do you want? Do you want to be married and have kids? Do you want to be a grandfather? Now? (These are my classmates asking.)

Comment #7 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Feb 24 - 8:59 pm : #

One more thing - online dating is SO over. I'm not kidding. That's according to the venerable (and often wrong) New York Times.

Comment #8 from amy (Guest)
2005 Feb 25 - 12:22 am : #

hi ken, yeah it was pretty good for a while, wasn't it? i'm sure you will do just fine. best of luck.

Comment #9 from Speaker (Guest)
2005 May 16 - 2:07 pm : #

we use the word "hip"... as in, "my wife just got a cortizone shot in her hip."

apart from that, good luck! or, er, well, ganbatte! or is that too assumptive? i don't like assuming, you make out of uma thurman...

Comment #10 from olafandyjon (Guest)
2005 May 20 - 3:24 pm : #

Who said there aren't any jobs in Royal Oak? She could be a bartender or a postal clerk. You just never know.

Comments are closed for this post.

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