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Death Comes Like a Pizza
Sunday, 2005 August 7 - 2:28 am
Don't forget to tip the delivery person.

I've been thinking about death again.

I don't consider myself particularly morbid or dark. But death is a part of life, so it just comes naturally comes to mind every now and then. To me, it would seem unnatural to go out of one's way to avoid thinking about death. That would be like trying not to think about gravity, or about the ham that came on your pizza. It's just there. It's not something to dwell over.

The reason I've been thinking about death lately is because I've started to become slightly worried about my blood pressure. It's been running a little high; I'm sure that all the alcohol and caffeine and salty snacks haven't been helping. So I've started a conscious effort to improve my diet a bit... and (gasp!) cut down on the drinking. Of course, I'm having a debate with myself whether a life with less drunkenness is a fate worse than death. Hmm. I SUPPOSE it's not. I don't want to die yet. There's too much left for me to do.

Do people make checklists of things to do before they die? 001: Confess my undying love for... (well, oops, I can't do that one yet.) 002: Highlight the word "ESKIMO" in certain books that I have. 003: Break the world hot-dog eating record...

There's just too much. I don't think you can possibly maintain a list like this. And if you did, what would happen when you completed the list? Would you think it was okay to kick the bucket, then? "Well, that's it. I've done all 238 things on my list. Someone bring me my guillotine, because there's just nothing left to do any more." (...143: Purchase a guillotine...)

In any case, the most important item on my list would be something that would never get completely accomplished: do all that I can to bring happiness to my loved ones. I think dying would put a crimp in that effort. (Well, I HOPE that's true.)

I wonder, how long would it take for people to notice that I'd died? (This is assuming that I died in my bathtub or something, not in the middle of a shopping mall.) Would it be a couple of days before someone called the cops? Or a few weeks? Months? Years? I'm sure that in the beginning, people would just assume that I'd quietly gone on vacation. Then they'd assume that I was just being too snobbish or lazy to call them back. It might be a while before anyone checked to see what the smell coming from the bathtub was. Perhaps my blog-audience would be the people most likely to suspect that something was amiss. "Hey, Ken hasn't posted in a couple of days. The only possible explanation could be DEATH!"

When death comes for me, I'll accept it. I won't necessarily like it, but I'll accept it. It'll be like getting olives on a pizza, even though I didn't order them. "What's this on my pizza? Ham. Ham and death. Oh well."

(Thanks to Javi for imprinting the phrase "ham and death" into my brain, many years ago.)
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Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from olafandyjon (Guest)
2005 Aug 7 - 4:40 pm : #
See, that's the beauty of drinking red wine. You get to drink every day and it actually helps you! OK, maybe it's not as much fun because you don't actually drink to get drunk this way. I think you should cut out the caffeine and salty snacks instead of dropping the alcohol.

Do you like fish? Salmon is truly the wonder food. Lowfat, chock full of Omega-3s to help reduce cholesterol...add some of that to your diet and you can certainly rationalize keeping up the drinking. It's worked for me. :D Sort of.

Speaking of the hot dog eating record, have you seen the Competitive Eating competitions they showed on ESPN? Each round was a different food. It was like watching a train wreck. I just couldn't look away.
Comment #2 from Timothy Ross (Guest)
2005 Aug 7 - 9:56 pm : #
Just a quick word of advice...

Confess your dying love BEFORE winning the eating contest.

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