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Son of Jor-El, Kneel Before Zod
Wednesday, 2005 April 6 - 10:31 pm
No one enters the Fortress of Solitude.

Despite my loathing of public restrooms, I do find that I enjoy the ten minutes of workday peace that comes from my afternoon poo. It is the one time during the day when people are not allowed to interrupt me, no matter how urgent they think their stupid problems are.

When I'm sitting there, I feel like I'm in my own Fortress of Solitude. It's like Superman's, except there's poo there.

But then again, do you suppose Superman had a toilet in his Fortress of Solitude? He could have put it right out in the middle of everything. After all, no one else is ever supposed to be there, right? So you wouldn't need any additional privacy? That is, until Zod and his pesky minions showed up.

One of the stalls in the men's room has a door that doesn't close properly. There's a big gap between the door and the frame. If you wanted to, you could look right in on a guy doing his business, and he would see you looking in, and there would be an Uncomfortable Moment. Of course no one wants that, so there's a lot of averting-of-the-eyes that goes on. Me, I use the other stall, the handicapped stall, to avoid the problem. It just wouldn't be a Fortress of Solitude if people could just look in.

Sometimes, somebody leaves the sports section to the newspaper in the stall, for other people to read. How nice to have a way for all of us to contaminate each other with fecal coliform bacteria! So thoughtful.

During today's meditation, I heard two guys walk into the men's room together. They walked up to the two urinals. Then I swear, one guy said to the other: "Hey, no peeking."

"NO PEEKING". This is not acceptable conversation for the Fortress of Solitude.

They continued to chatter while peeing, raising the volumes of their voices when the sound of pee hitting the water became too loud. If I hadn't been in the middle of something important just then, I would have stood up and screamed.
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Posted by Ken in: funnyhaha

Comments

Comment #1 from Nicholas (Guest)
2005 Apr 7 - 10:35 am : #
The newspaper in the stall is pretty gross.

I agree with the stall being a fortress. Once inside, no one should talk to you. I can talk at a urinal, but not from a stall. Also, once inside the stall I am permitted to make any nasty sound required. Everyone makes horrible, horrible sounds sometimes while crapping. The stall is the proper place for this, and it has to happen. So I do not hold back or feel any shame.
Comment #2 from Nicholas (Guest)
2005 Apr 7 - 10:48 am : #
Did you mean Zogg?

http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html

I don't really remember Super Man.
Comment #3 from Steve (Guest)
2005 Apr 7 - 1:46 pm : #
Maybe Superman has a high-strength steel toilet in the FoS, so he can really let go and clear those bowels. I mean, your typical porcelain toilet would probably shatter if S put his full strength into a poo, but it must built up a lot of intestinal stress having to hold back and control those muscles all the time.
Comment #4 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Apr 8 - 8:12 am : #
You are brave. I used to have to go to another floor, or sometimes LEAVE the building, or occaisionally GO HOME FOR LUNCH. But that's when I was in my twenties.

One day, in my thirties (at the Attorney General's Office, no less), I had to get over my shyness. It took my three tries to get to the ladies room and find it unoccupied. (Sometimes you just go in there and wash your hands.) And then, just when I thought the coast was clear, right in the middle of it, our office manager came in. It was all over.

By the way, I have amazing sphincter muscles. Or whatever.

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