Real Kato Blog: Only On Fox!

My co-workers and I have come up with an idea for the next great blockbuster reality television show.

We were at Pizza Hut for lunch.

I had not eaten at Pizza Hut in quite some time. I remember that as a teenager in Ann Arbor, I used to love going to Pizza Hut with my friend Jen. I think, primarily, I just liked going out with Jen. That, and I also liked thumbing my nose at Tom Monaghan (native Ann Arborite, Domino's Pizza tycoon, and crazy right-wing blowhard).

These days, the Hut (and its associated nose-thumbing) has lost its appeal. I think I've just eaten myself sick on the all-you-can-eat lunch buffet one too many times. However, on this particular day, that's where The Gang headed, so I tagged along for the company.

This particular Pizza Hut is on Western Boulevard in Raleigh, near the North Carolina State campus. It is, therefore, just what you might expect: a college-kid friendly place, where "quantity" is considered more important than "rat control". Okay, I don't mean to impugn their posted sanitation grade, or imply that they are not a Fine Upstanding Establishment. But the place did feel a little grungy... more like a Pizza Hovel than a Pizza Hut.

I talked to my co-workers about the whole "dippin' strips" thing, and the fact that dipping a greasy pepperoni pizza into creamy ranch dressing was probably not the healthiest meal option available. The conversation meandered to the reality TV show "The Biggest Loser", where we have a good laugh at the expense of the poor overweight people competing to shed the most pounds.

As my longtime readers (both of you) know, I've had some ideas for reality television shows before. But sitting there with a face full of pizza and an impending gastronomical disaster, it occurred to me that the entertainment value in reality TV stems from exploiting people's embarrassing defects. Are you fat, ugly, incompetent, untalented, arrogant, or emotionally unstable? Welcome to Fox Primetime.

So, to my co-workers, I announced my newest reality TV idea. We will make a show about people who are missing limbs. We will subject them to degrading competitions, like basketball for people with no arms and hopscotch for people with no legs. The losers will get voted off one by one; the winner will be treated to an "extreme makeover" where they receive a full set of top-of-the-line prosthetics.

It was Tim who came up with the name of the show....

"Gimme Five".

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