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A Day Not Quite So Useless As Yesterday
Sunday, 2005 March 6 - 10:24 pm
So I did get something accomplished today, and I have the photos to prove it.

Stop. Before you read any further, go back and read this article.

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way... I went clothes shopping today, at the mall. That means I got one of my five goals for today accomplished, which is WAY better than zero.

I learned three important things about shopping in North Carolina department stores for men's clothes.

- First, all department stores are actually exactly the same. Hecht's, Dillard's, J.C. Penney, Belk, Lord and Taylor... they all sell Nautica and Polo and Tommy Hilfiger, plus their own "exclusive" crappy store brand. They all make you walk past the perfume section before getting to the men's section. The men's section is always uncomfortably close to the women's underwear section. There is always a sale on the clothes that you don't want.

- Second, "Large" is the smallest size available. You have your choice of Large, Extra Large, Extra Extra Large, and Extra Extra Extra Large. Similarly, when it comes to jeans, you have your choice of "relaxed" fit, "loose" fit, "easy" fit, and "humungo-ass" fit.

- Third, department stores do not sell tailored-cut shirts. I don't know what the proper term is for the shirts that they sell... maybe "balloon" cut or "pear" cut.

I don't think department stores were meant for guys like me.

I did manage to find a couple of things at some other stores. I followed "the Rules" that Crouching Hamster gave me when I was in New York. Here are a shirt and a pair of jeans that I bought at The Gap, with notable features highlighted:



(I rewarded myself with beer after a long day of shopping.)

It's hard to see the jeans in that picture, so here's another shot:



At Express Men (formerly known as Structure), I found another shirt. Despite appearances, I am not running away to join a carnival.



(I rewarded myself with beer after a long day of picture-taking. I have no explanation for the superhero stance.)

I got this shoe at Rack Room:



I'm pretty sure I have the other shoe to go with it. Somewhere. It's probably in the fridge next to the beer or something.

This final item is something I got in the mail on Friday. It's sort of related to this article because it's a new item of clothing: it's the Momtini shirt from Suburban Bliss' CafePress shop. I got it even though I am neither a Mom nor a Tini.



Now, I'm off to reward myself with a beer after a long day of blogging. Cheers.
Permalink  9 Comment   Bookmark and Share
Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from Tim (Guest)
2005 Mar 6 - 11:17 pm : #
1) I ALWAYS buy the "crappy store brand"
2) We prefer "comfort fit" to "humungo-ass"
3) "tailored-cut" ... WTF?
4) There is no 4
5) dude... Superman is cool
6) Beer is cool
Comment #2 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Mar 7 - 12:21 am : #
Oooh. I love the new shoes.
And nice jeans!
Comment #3 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Mar 7 - 1:43 am : #
Tim, I think I saw those six things listed on a sign at J.C. Penney.
Comment #4 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2005 Mar 7 - 11:44 am : #
Still hating all my clothes, I envy your new fashion. Also, I see no discernable difference between Three Beer Face and Four Beer Face. If we were in high school I would accuse you of faking it and pouring your Red Dog down the toilet because you just COULDN'T HANG.
Comment #5 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Mar 7 - 12:06 pm : #
The face-change transitions (physics pun! I am such a geek!) come between beers 2 and 3, between beers 5 and 6, and between beers 8 and 9. At beer 9 the face changes to the "plasma" state.

It was Guinness, and there's no way that was going in the toilet unless I were in the toilet also.
Comment #6 from Jen (Guest)
2005 Mar 7 - 1:19 pm : #
Wow, I love the first shirt and jeans combo. That looks awesome on you! Very very nice.

I didn't like the candy cane shirt at first glance, but it is growing on me.

The shoes look good, too.

I have no comment on the momtini shirt.

Boot cut is the only way to go. I go with even more flare for myself, but I'm a chick and I don't work, so I can get away with that. I'm not 16, but I don't care.

I'm a big fan of the 'tailored cut' concept, though I've never seen it in practice (other than that picture). It looks good, so I'll keep my eyes open for it around here.
Comment #7 from Nicholas (Guest)
2005 Mar 7 - 1:49 pm : #
I go with loose fit jeans, fits mu lucious booty better. Try shopping with short legs, I'm 6' tall and I wear a 30" inseam.
Comment #8 from Phil (Guest)
2005 Mar 8 - 1:37 am : #
Nice booty! Would go well dancing next to the documented back-side of Melissa S's sister, don'tcha think?
Comment #9 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Mar 8 - 1:50 am : #
Nicholas, remind me to add something to the commenting guidelines about men using the phrase "luscious booty" on this site. ;)

Phil, I can only hope that glorious day will come someday.

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