Real Kato Blog: Potty Training

Surely someone must have taught me how to do this.

I don't remember potty training.

I guess that would be an unusual thing to remember, since it happens so early in our lives. But I sometimes wonder about how it all went down. Did someone really teach me all this stuff or did I just pick it up as I went along?

There are some great advantages to being a boy, when it comes to peeing. I mean, just the other day I was driving along a rural highway and I REALLY had to go. The nearest gas station was miles and miles away. So I pulled over and ran over to a grove of trees and I peed. Ahhh. I even had a wet-nap in the car so I could wash my hands. Men are like dogs in this respect: the whole world is our toilet. (Men are like dogs in MANY respects, to be sure, but that's a topic for another day.)

But there are disadvantages too, and one of the chief ones is the potential for ZIPPER ACCIDENTS. I've been thinking about this because Dooce recently wrote an article about an accidental injury to a little boy's Wee Waw. I generally hate reading about any injuries involving the Family Jewels, but I do find it funny whenever Dooce writes the words "Wee Waw".

So where do we learn about all this stuff? I can't imagine Dad telling me, "Son, if you've got to go, find a tree to pee on. Because just peeing out in the middle of a field would be uncivilized." Or, "Be real, real careful zipping up. That's something you don't want to rush." It must be something we taught ourselves. Oh, I do remember the day I figured out that my Wee Waw doesn't AIM ITSELF. I won't go into details, but here's my advice for little boys: make sure it's pointed AWAY from you before you let go.

And to this day, I'm not quite sure whether I'm supposed to fold toilet paper or crumple it, or how many squares I'm supposed to use at a time.

I do know that I'm not supposed to strain when I go Number Two, because my friend Heidi learned that in nursing school. I even made a little poem about it:

"Afraid of hemorrhoidal pain?" she asked of me one day.
"Frankly, no", I said, in vain, as she went on to say:
"Always heed this golden rule, this venerable maxim:
Never strain, Ken, when you stool; just sit down and relax 'em."

Permalink 2 Comment

Posted by Ken in: funnyhaha

Comments

Comment #1 from Linda (Guest)
2005 Feb 14 - 2:20 pm : #

Happened across your blog and I find it highly amusing!! Teaching the boy now to pull the pants all the way down and LIFT the seat!!

Comment #2 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Feb 14 - 3:04 pm : #

Thanks, Linda. :) Always nice to know that people are entertained.

Comments are closed for this post.

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