Banner Logo
The Real Kato
About Me
Frozen Lunches
Daring Fireball
Secret Agent Josephine

Most Recent

2024 June
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July

All Categories 


Recent Comments
On College Football 2022: Week 6 Recap and Week 7 Pre...
Ken said:
Yeah, we've both had our share of hope and disappointment in this game. Let's just hope for a good b...
On College Football 2022: Week 6 Recap and Week 7 Pre...
Dan* said:
I'm not sure how I feel about this game. On one hand, I feel pretty optimistic that we have the tale...
On College Football 2022: Week 1 Preview
Dan* said:
Glad to see you'll be back writing football again, Ken! Congrats on the easy win today. You didn't ...
On College Football 2021: Week 10 Recap and Week 11 P...
Ken said:
Yeah, sorry one of our teams had to lose. I've come to appreciate Penn State as a classy and sympath...
On College Football 2021: Week 10 Recap and Week 11 P...
Dan* said:
Hey Ken, congratulations on the win yesterday! Some really odd choices by our coaching staff in that...

<< Previous: In The News | Next: Concert: Vaughan Pen... >>

If Only I Had A...
Thursday, 2005 June 2 - 11:47 pm
I've been accumulating a list things that need to be invented. Here are a few of my ideas.

Something happens to me all the time. During the course of the day, I'll get irritated about something or another, and I'll think to myself, "the world would be so much better if someone just invented <fanciful technological contraption>". Usually I forget the idea moments later, but I've managed to hang on to a few of them.

Shame-proof pants. One of my major talents is the ability to spill anything on myself, and what's more, to make the spill in such a way that I appear to have wet myself. Someone needs to come up with a pant design that specifically resists liquids in the crotch area.

Miniature bug-eliminating robots. One reason bugs are so elusive is because they're small and they can go places where we can't. As smart human beings, we should be able to make robots that are even smaller and more nimble than bugs... and as violent human beings, we should be capable of making them lethal. I want an army of microbots that will sweep through my house and destroy anything that's squirming or crawling around.

Drink refizzinator. This one ought to be doable, right? When beer or pop (or "soda", for you non-Michiganders) goes flat, there should be a home appliance that will force carbon dioxide back into solution, thus making the drink fizzy again.

Double-dishwasher. Instead of emptying a dishwasher into cupboards, why not just have two dishwashers? You take clean dishes from one dishwasher, use them, and then put them in the other one. When the dirty side fills up, you run it, and then you switch sides. Ta-da, no more emptying the dishwasher.

Testicle grooming device. I mention this one specifically for Andrea. Guys, if you've ever shaved your testicles, then (a) you must love your partner very, very much, and (b) you've probably discovered how difficult it is. You know, if it were easy, we'd probably be willing to do it more.

Okay, Internets... your turn.
Permalink  8 Comment   Bookmark and Share
Posted by Ken in: commentaryinterestingscience


Comment #1 from Phil (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 12:20 am : #
I just want to know -- what kinds of weaponry would the microbots have at their disposal?

And as for inventions, hmmm... I'd like to invent a brace that helps people keep their heads on straight. But that's a different sort of thing.
Comment #2 from Jenn (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 1:04 am : #
Hooray for saying pop instead of soda!

You know, it used to be a goal of mine to find out exactly where the geographical boundaries lie between people who say soda and people who say pop.
Comment #3 from olafandyjon (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 9:00 am : #
Definitely a vote for "pop" here!

You know, I think they actually have those double dishwashers. I've seen home improvement catalogs that have dishwashers with drawers that run independently...or maybe I dreamed it.
Comment #4 from Nicholas (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 9:49 am : #
They make a carbonator, I own one.

"The Carbonator

With the Carbonator, you can transport draft beer anywhere. Simply transfer your chilled draft beer in a plastic soft drink bottle, screw on the Carbonator, squeeze out the extra air, and inject carbon dioxide into the bottle to keep the beer fresh and carbonated. The Carbonator also force carbonates just about anything. Requires ball lock fittings."

Of course you need a CO2 tank and ball lock valve. I have one for my refrigerator with 3 taps, cider, stout and brown ale right now.

I recently had a minor surgical procedure that required that. It is sort of difficult, though I did not have to do much. Sorry, too much information? You opened the door.
Comment #5 from pinky (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 10:20 am : #
I've always thought a car self-washing system would be great. When it rains, some robotic arms with soap and sponges pop out and scrub down the car, rinse provided by Mother Nature.

(I also think a red button, like the kind in a Thanksgiving turkey would be great, when implanted in your thigh to let you know when you have eaten the correct amount of calories for the day - of course you could always ignore it)
Comment #6 from Speaker (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 10:43 am : #
sorry to the pop users but that word is like nails on a chalk board to me... i cant' stand it.... i like soda, cola, coke, carbonated beverage...ANYTHING but pop!

Miniature bug-eliminating robots
what happens when they turn on us!? maybe THAT'S the monster on LOST!


Testicle grooming device

you mean like that nail kit leeloo used in the 5th element? dip and zap...they're sheen? that would RULE!

not that i've ever....*runs away crying*
Comment #7 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 3:51 pm : #
We say "pop" in Ohio and Illinois, too. I think the whole Midwest is in on the conspiracy.

As for the inventions, I think everything would be a lot better if I could just have a CTRL Z function for my life. That would also elimnate the need for your shame-proof pants, because you'd just CTRL Z the spill. Google headquarters is probably working on this function as I type.
Comment #8 from Travis Tidmore (Guest)
2005 Jun 3 - 4:33 pm : #
First off, here in Texas it's coke. Everything is a coke, coke is coke, dr. pepper is coke. "What kind of coke do you want?" "Ummm.. How about a sprite." (And don't start in an it being a brand name and how texans are stupid to call every soft drink by a brand name, cause kleenex, band-aid, and styrofoam are all brand names, and most people don't call them a facial tissue, adhesive bandage, or that fluffy packaging stuff)

Next they have this stuff called Bug Spray, I think it's basically what you're talking about. "They" claim to have discovered some "Magical" liquid that can kill bugs with contact, but I think we all know its's really just a can that sprays out the microscobic robots to hunt down and kill the bugs dead!

Also I think we need teleporters, cause I'm moving to cali and the 16 hour drive is gonna kill, it be much easier just to load my stuff on a truck and drive through a giant teleporter and end up in LAT (Las Angeles Teleportal) and drive the fifteen mile to Malibu (also easier to visit family)

Comments are closed for this post.

Search This Site
Powered by FreeFind