Real Kato Blog: A Ken By Any Other Name

... would still smell like garlic.

I was shopping for antiperspirant the other day. I was in the personal hygiene section of the grocery store and I was sniffing various brands, trying to pick the best one, while store employee Steve eyed me warily. It's as if there have previous incidents with out-of-control deodorant-sniffers, and now it's Steve's job to keep an eye on things.

For a long time, I've used unscented Speed Stick, because, well, it's unscented. I didn't want anything that smelled too strong; if I wanted to put on a scent, I'd put on cologne. (My current cologne: Calvin Klein's "Contradiction for Men". I believe they call it that because no manly man actually wants to wear anything called "Contradiction".)

This time, though, I figured, maybe I'd try something different. I'm ashamed to say that I succumbed to the advertising hype, and I bought Axe. You've seen those commercials, where a guy wearing Axe gets swarmed by hot women. They call it "The Axe Effect".

I mean, it smelled okay, when I was sniffing it in front of Steve. But then, the next day, I applied it before going to work. And I learned what "The Axe Effect" really was: the effect was that you smelled like you just stepped off the racquetball court. By that, I mean that it smelled like pretty much every other smelly men's deodorant brand out there. It's the kind of thing guys put on after going to the gym, when their showers don't "take". It loudly advertises the fact that you're wearing deodorant.

Next time, I'll stick to the unscented variety.

Smell is a big thing for me. I wish I were naturally better-smelling. How is it that some people do that? I've dated women who smell good even after going for a five-mile run through a cow pasture. Me, my body processes garlic by excreting it from my pores. I have to carry a bagful of smell-enhancing products just to get through a day. I'm the only person I know who actually buys those Oral-B Brush-Ups. (You've probably seen that commercial, too: the people do a little dance while singing "Rip, Slip, Brush, AAAHHHH". If you get me drunk enough, I'll perform that dance for you.)

In conclusion: I'm smelly and I watch too much television. Is it any wonder I'm still single?

Permalink 2 Comment

Posted by Ken in: funnyhaha, life

Comments

Comment #1 from Nicholas E (Guest)
2005 Jul 25 - 11:17 am : #

I use Degree Shower Clean, you should smell it. I shop for deodorant and shampoo by smell also. My shampoo is lavender Suave.

Comment #2 from Bake Town (Guest)
2005 Jul 31 - 4:21 pm : #

Ya smelled good to me!

Comments are closed for this post.

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